robbing peter to pay paul

just got back from a fantastic weekend in boston recording w/ le firm at q studios. the tracks sound f'ing amazing! the ep is going to sound incredible.

so why do i feel all fucked up inside? i'm thinking about all that i have to be willing to give up for le firm. the girl i love, my bed, my home, my cats, my bike, my health, my sanity, my everything. what's my alternative? what do i want? to follow j wherever she gets a job, become a dad, stay at home, teach lessons? try to be a "rock star"? and for what? shitty fast food and long rides in a van? fuck. it only took 2 days away for these realities to come crashing in. what happens when we're in the van for a week, two weeks, a month at a time? do i really want to be that person living that life?

i just got off the phone w/ j. she's not coming back to nyc until next week now. she can't deal w/ life here. are we growing apart? am i about to get my heart ripped out? am i about to be torn in half?